What Has It Got In Its Pocketses?
by Lady Voldything
Summary: I once heard someone say you can tell a lot about a person by what's in their pockets. Well, some of our happy book friends were forced to turn theirs out and....
1. Default Chapter

_Dude, I don't own Harry Potter. If I did, the books would be unoriginal, crappy, and complete. So there. :p _

_Please keep in mind here that the school robes are magical, and thus have fantastically deep pockets._

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Chapter One: Weasley Can Be MY King Anytime...**

Malfoy sighed, "Why are you making me turn out my pockets? It's stupid."

After being silenced on pain of being locked in a room with Harry Potter for five hours, the contents of his pockets are examined.

-a comb, equipped with a small mirror and tube of Alkat's Absolutely All-holding Hair Gel

_Well of course, I can't ever have my hair messed up, that would ruin the whole 'in control' image I have. _

-a small, living Harry Potter action figure with one arm dangling at an alarming angle

_Need I say more? Puh-lease. I hope THIS at least will shake those disgusting rumors of Potter and I... ugh. The thought makes me want to hurl._

-a solid gold Gobstones set

-class schedule with little hearts drawn around Potions and Care of Magical Creature

_Hey! Give that to me, none of your business... What? Oh, um... Potions interests me and I have a genuine love for learning to care for magical... things? Moving on..._

-a small diary, with one of the later entries detailing the worst days of his life, including when Ron accidentally cursed himself in second year, and several other days, all of which talk of Ron getting hurt. It goes on to say that he wishes he could go out with...

_HEY!!! That's mine you effing mudblood, give it back..._

-a picture from behind of Ron on a broomstick, bending over to catch the Quaffle (meaning that the pic catches his derriere) with little hearts drawn around it, the back of the pic says "5th year- Weasley can be MY king anytime!!!"

_That's for... a friend. Riiiiight. It belongs to a friend of mine who wants it for purely research purposes... researching the physique of Quidditch players and how it relates to their, um, I think I should stop now. _

-a little doodle of a heart with "Ron Weasley and Draco Malfoy" written inside

_Alright, you caught me. IT'S MINE!!! I ADMIT IT!!! I, DRACO MALFOY, AM GAAAAAAAAAAY!!! I'M IN LOVE WITH THE WEASEL KING WHO I FREELY ADMIT HAS A TIGHT ASS!!! That's why I hate that damn Granger so much..._

-a photo of Goyle dressed as Cleopatra from the waist up, but clad entirely in peacock feathers from waist-down

_Uuuhhhh, I can explain...

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Well, if you want more chapters and characters, then review. If you want it to be a retarted one-shot, then flame. FLAME LIKE THE WIND!!!!


	2. Inquisitorial Squad Meeting

Disclaimer and note about pockets from Chapter One apply.

**Chapter Two- Inquisitorial Squad "Meeting"**

"As the Senior Undersecretary of the Minister of Magic, I demand that you stop this degrading nonsense immediately!" Dolores Jane Umbridge screeched.

After being shown videos of students doing things outside of her control, she succumbed to the highly refined torture methods and agreed to turn out her pockets.

-the same exact picture of Ron's Quidditch-playing rear that Malfoy had, once again with "5th year- Weasley can be MY king anytime!" written on it, but in Umbridge's curly script.

_Oh silly, why else do you think I let him play Quidditch all year? He's half the reason I let the Gryffindor team continue._

_-_knitting needles, attached to some kind of awful fluffy pink "thing"

_Hem, where do you think I get all my wonderful cardigans? _

-a small parchment notepad, with such things as "4 o'clock- don't forget- bring chocolate sauce 2 c Fudge in closet," "potter stinks potter stinks potter stinks," and "pos. edu. Decree- Muggle school food, fire house-elves?" jotted down.

_Hem hem, yeah. That chocolate sauce thing was for... ice cream! Yeah, that's it, ice cream. And the Muggle school food idea is because I am a pure sadist. _

-speaking of sadist, some sketchy-looking pictures of leather-clad schoolchildren. Very artfully torn and... shredded leather.

_Don't tell Cornelius, er, the Minister! Please! He'd be ever so heartbroken._

-a calendar marked by such crypic messages as "Oct 14th- Argus & Cornelius in broom closet" and "20th- inquisitorial squad "meeting." What they'll be inquisitive about, they have yet to learn."

_Hem, hem. I do believe that this silly little session is finished. Don't make me make Cornelius, er, the Minister arrest you.  
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Apparently she's worse than we all thought. If you wanna uncover more skeletons in the characters' closets, review! HI HO SILVER!!! takes off


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